A Letter to a Future Me.

Dear Me in 2030, from Me in 2020.

I’m sure I’ve changed, more than I could imagine back in 2020.

I know I’m supposed to talk about what I think and hope this decade has brought, but I am remembering how much happened in the last one.

So much of it was unexpected and yet looking back, none of it was a surprise.

Here are some unexpected highlights — 2010 to 2020:

• The whispers became louder until they were impossible to ignore so I made a difficult choice and stuck with it.
• I shifted the earth under my feet, and later stood in a place where gods were born and felt it shift again.
• I surrendered my arm to the sharpened point and felt the ink settle as the temple scroll design came to life.
• I found a community where I could be a version of myself that I didn’t know. I embraced a small child who sat holding a soft animal to her face and looked up to see a version of myself in towering grey, chiseled from the earth.
• I introduced myself to me; each of us was changed by the interaction.
• I came upon genuine, heartfelt friendships in an imaginary world of light and screens when I wasn’t aware I was seeking them. They manifested into physical existence.

photo by Author

• I let go of living up to other’s expectations and imagined my own. Then I let go of all of my expectations of the future and lived in the moment.
• I poured my heart and soul onto paper and sifted the words until I was left with their essence. I experienced the joy of holding my words in my hands.
• I took my words and packaged them into small boxes and sent them out into the world. Some were welcomed and some were not.
• I embraced my Pollyanna, wrote cheesy stories instead of trying to be edgy and cool. I discovered my love of connection and an artistry for its creation.
• I wove spells with words, shaping them into containers that carried my emotions into minds and hearts of souls far away. I discovered that we are all the same; living and loving on this planet we call earth.
• I created a unicorn of magical connection, a sparkling trail of shimmering light shot into the air. It flew across the ocean, across a country to land on an island far away, bringing messages of hope and life and rebirth.

photo by Author

• My footsteps filled my mind with an entertainment of diversity and my heart expanded into the lives of others.
• I opened my mind and let it fill with prayers and chanting sung by women slapping their laundry on rocks at the shore. I opened every window and stepped through every portal, even as I held my lover close and whispered invocations in his ears.
• I sat in a glass cage suspended high above the mountains and used my eyes and hands to expand connections and create understanding that laughter brings.

sketch by Author

• When words did not suffice, I pulled the ink out of the pen in long thin gestures that indicated shapes. My fingers smudged the shadows, bringing out the light. Shapes took form again and again.
• This was the decade I let the pieces fall to shatter on the earth and didn’t pick them up again. It was the decade I broke up with my give a damn.
• I set aside comparison and its harsh companion of judgment. Instead, I used my breath to gently coax the favor of connection and inclusion, the love partners who heal.
• The gods brought me insights into a country and its people by smiting me down at the top of a mountain so I could experience a glimpse of their life as I lived my own.

photo Author

• There was the moment that I let go of control and put my fate in the hands of the surgeons and the palms of the universe. It took a total release of all of my inputs into outcomes and full faith in them.
• I heard a story of loss and longing in a dream and found a way to bring comfort and connection to youth in need on the planet.
• I learned to live in the moment, let go of the past and stop projecting into the future.
• I began the unwinding and release of attachments, patterns, judgment and my past stories. I breathed into the bindings as they dissolved into pieces.
• I discovered spirits who brought shimmering silk with stories sewn in gold and silver. They carried them to me and laid them gently at my feet.
• I spoke with my angels and they sent a message back.

photo by Author

• I stepped into the river and stood until the water rose over my head. I held my breath with my eyes wide open and when the water receded, I was on the shore of a new country.
• I released flocks of judgments and watched them swirl in the sky before landing on ocean waves where they slowly disbursed into grains of salt.
• I sat in a chapel with hundreds of souls and lived for days in the energy of their light, commingled with mine. I inhaled the essence of their beliefs and exhaled into the tribal circle.
• I tasted the salt in the breath of a whale and stood transfixed as he lifted our small boat with bubbles as he lingered beneath us looking up. I marveled at the slick smooth surface of his body as he surfaced his gaze, then surrendered to the deep with a farewell flick of his flutes.

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

• I watered and nurtured tiny seedlings that grew toward the light until I could taste the juicy tenderness returned in gratitude for my acts of devotion.
• I plunged my hands into the earth and placed an act of faith inside. It pulled itself deep into the soil where it found the solid grounding to balance the branches that stretch high into the sky, seeking the sun. I marveled at the magic of it all.
• I walked the halls of learning, trailing my fingertips along the walls, inhaling a sweet vanilla scent of books. I nerded out on skeletons, rot and the lure of mystery, pondering the pieces of the puzzle created by the end of a life.
• I rejected the invisibility cloak they assigned me, accepting a long purple dress of lace with glimpses of my youth. I learned to treat myself with gentle kindness as I navigated new passages and embraced new challenges.

Photo by Shlag on Unsplash

………………..

I enter 2020 with these Core Desired Feelings and Words of Healing Intention:

· Embrace all possible Connections.

· Be Courageous.

· Embody Gratitude.

· Enter into all things Wholeheartedly.

· Be Playful and discover the Magic within me.

· Live in Allowance, setting aside Judgement.

· And most of all, Breathe.

So, for this new decade, I wish you all the unexpected joys and experiences that life can bring. I wish you more of everything.

This is the decade that I

· Take all the chances and feel the feelings deeply

· Choose to follow my heart and no longer follow others

· Listen, really listen to my body.

· Heal my heart

· Pay attention to what I put into my body

· Move my body, daily

· And I will Love.

…

With much Love From the Me of 2020

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