When You Know Your Fridge is Smarter Than a 5th Grader

Parenting | Musings

I Ponder the BIG Questions in Life

Photo by Squared.one on Unsplash

When I was growing up, we had an old white Philco fridge with a silver V mounted on the front like the ornaments on the hood of a classic car. It started up with a thunk and a whine.

The freezer had a flip down door that always closed with a snap. Eventually until a build up of frost would hold it open.

That was when we emptied it and turned off the power. Back then, defrosting a fridge took time. Newspapers and towels sopped up the water that dripped down the sides like a leaking kiddie pool.

My dad would use a knife to chip the ice away. He always tried to speed things up. Big hunks of ice would break away and smash on the linoleum like ice floes calving in the ocean.

They would hide in corners waiting for unsuspecting socks.

When we raised our large family, I bought a giant LG fridge with the freezer on the bottom, and a defrost cycle of its own.

We had to take out a kitchen cabinet to fit it in the Philco space. Teenagers would stand in the space of the open door, searching for a quick and easy fix.

Now that they’re gone our fridge is too big for the two of us.

These days fridges are smart.

I wonder if they know the chemical composition of the green and blue fur inside the Tupperware hidden behind the pickles.

I wonder, will it text me when someone takes my last beer, or puts the milk back with just a teensy bit left in the bottom?

Will it tell me not to snack or remind me not to eat leftover icing spread on toast?

Will I need to trick it into opening the door when it isn’t time to eat?

Will the fridge have feelings, needing praise for a job well done?

A gold star perhaps, just for showing up.

And when the fridge grows up and moves away will we lay awake at night and wonder how it’s fitting in?

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