Five Ways to Cultivate Self Intimacy

How Quiet Listening Can Help

Photo by Natalia Figueredo on Unsplash

Self intimacy is freedom and liberation from all the must do’s , the should do’s, the have to’s, and supposed to’s. Being intimate with you is the way to figure out who you are on the inside. Cultivating intimacy with yourself is a wonderful way you can increase your feelings of aliveness.

Intimacy takes subtlety.

It is not something you can DO, it is something that comes to you and DOES YOU. It is not about controlling anything, or forcing yourself to act a certain way. A good way to begin is “Quiet Listening”.

Sitting quietly to listen to yourself with no distractions is a gift you can give to yourself. We practice learning how to listen to others but rarely listen to ourselves. The idea of meditation is intimidating to many people, that’s why I like to call it quiet listening. Start with five or ten minutes and you may find you enjoy your quiet time so much that you will increase it.

Here are five ideas to focus on that cultivate self intimacy:

1. Honor yourself
2. Trust your inner authority
3. Have allowance
4. Be vulnerable
5. Feel gratitude

If you cultivate each of these, you will begin to clear away the debris that you have collected over the years. Debris is created by past experiences and you can end up carrying it around with you. Debris affects current experiences because you tend to use it as a reference.

Practice saying No. A huge part of honoring yourself is allowing yourself to say no to things that aren’t feeding your aliveness. If you find yourself resenting something because you don’t want to do it, then listen to that feeling. Saying no is a muscle that will become stronger when you start to exercise it.

Trust that you know what is best for yourself. Choose to spend your time doing what brings you joy. Start by taking small steps toward things that interest you and listen to how they make you feel.

Allowance is the practice of letting go of judgment, letting go of right and wrong. When you accept yourself in all the ways that you are, you will find it easier to have allowance for others.

Get curious. If you are feeling triggered or emotional, slow down and get curious. Practice the five things to focus on, especially vulnerability, as you discover who you are.

Living in intimacy just requires that you show up and be yourself. Don’t play games, don’t play victim, villain or hero. Be your same self in any situation. If you worry about other people’s opinions you are back in the space of control and judgement.

Practice gratitude. Start a gratitude journal where you write about something you are grateful for in every day. Read it in the morning, then write something new in it in the evening.

Ever since I began this practice, it shifted the way I see my life and I am happier as a result.

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