An Open Letter to My Ego

Dear Me

Photo by Norma Contreras on Unsplash

Hey Ego,

Yes, it’s me, I know I don’t usually write, but this is a special moment and I want to be sure you’re recognized. By the way, I’ve invited Spirit to be here with me for this beautiful moment. It’s nice that we can take a moment and share this together.

I’ve been learning a lot about you and I realize how amazing you are and how powerful, and how grateful I am that you’ve stuck with me for so long.

I don’t think I’d have made it if you hadn’t been there for me.

It’s been a long journey, and a lot of the time I needed to stay safe and you knew just how to do it. All the watching and measuring of people’s behavior: that helped us know just how to react in certain circumstances. There’s no way I would have known the perfect way to handle them.

And in the moments when I butted in and said how I felt or what I wanted, there was so much trouble, well, that’s when you came to my rescue and figured out how to make amends and get us back on track. Thank you for that.

You kept things going when I would have given up and ended up on the couch. You pushed me to go out and do more and get better at what I did so that now, I can sit back a bit and relax, knowing that I’ll be ok…mostly.

You were really good at telling me when to take those scary steps that I would never have thought to go ahead and do without you.

Thanks for stepping up and being strong when I needed to face down the bullies. Those times that we did that were some of the most powerful moments in my life.

Photo by Makenna Entrikin on Unsplash

When it got really scary, when I started to get close to facing some of the hard stuff, you made it better so that I didn’t have to face it until I was ready. It was easy to pull your cloak over those problems, thanks for lending it to me.

“If you can’t see it, it can’t bother you.”

Someone told me that a long time ago and I remembered it all this time.

When I had to run and was afraid to, you were the one that got me all pumped up and angry so I could run faster. You knew how to choose just the right moment to say what was needed and then you made sure I didn’t chicken out and let things go back to the way they were.

You’re the true chess master, the ultimate strategist. It was you all along. Each and every move was calculated in a precise and confident way. It’s the only way we all got through it. Thank you so much for using your talents to get us out.

You were great at making sure that I wasn’t wrong so I didn’t have to feel bad about what I was doing. You knew just how to justify all those extras and you made sure I didn’t take any of the blame for it.

So thank you ego.

I can’t say I loved all of what you did in the past, but you sure saved my ass and for that I thank you.

Just to clear things up: I forgive me for any and all of those sneaky things we did to get where we are. I forgive myself for all of it.

Now that we’re here, let’s look at how things are going now. Things have changed a lot. We’re in a way safer space and our journey is shifting direction.

I thought I could let you know that you can take the pressure down a bit.

Photo by ferdinand feng on Unsplash

You can take a well earned holiday. You deserve it.

I made this cool place for you. Remember we went and had a look the other day. There’s that opulent tent in the desert oasis with the velvet and silk cushions with long tassels and decanters with exotic oils that are made just for you.

You deserve a break after all your hard work and it’s the perfect place. The carpets are hand woven and layered so that you sink into them with every step. There are beautiful paintings and inspiring music to listen to while you watch the light in the sky change over the course of the day.

The nights are filled with scented breezes and soft caresses and the stars call to you in billowing clouds. The flowers have soft petals and their light perfume is intoxicating. There are kittens that play with feathers on strings and birds that sing in the trees in the valley and assistants that will bring you anything you desire.

It’s an easy place to rest for just a little while and you deserve it. And you can get endless movies and puzzles and games to entertain you whenever you want them.

After all, you don’t have to be on guard all the time.

Things have changed. You don’t need to protect me or make me right or keep me in victim or encourage me to separate to be safe. It’s ok now.

I’ve noticed that sometimes you still obsess about whether I am doing things right. There’s a new way to look at things and you have a chance to rest more.

I’ve noticed that you’re still pouring over what was said, trying to find clues that will reveal how to keep me safe. We’re safe now, so you don’t need to do that anymore.

I’ve noticed that you’re sometimes still hiding my emotions through addictions and disbursing them with anger or busyness.

It’s ok, you no longer have to do any of that.

But I still need your help with something.

Photo by Chandan Chaurasia on Unsplash

Ego, what I really need help with is noticing when I am out of alignment with my strengths. You know, when I fall back into old habits and do things that don’t align with our new journey. When I fall out of Love with the Universe.

What I really, really need you to do now, is to remind me gently when I am not in allowance, and to gently make me aware that I want to be in allowance.

Just keep an eye out and notice, and then gently let me know. If I have any questions, or when I need you (cause you know I’ll need you), I know where to find you.

With much love and gratitude

Me. (Spirit)

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