Has Two Heads
When someone is painfully aware of the advantages of someone else, they are revealing their own weakness, not the other person’s strength. This comparison creates the green eyed snake.
Jealousy is an insidious emotion which can unsettle the confident and destroy the weak.
The French call it jalousie — which comes from the word meaning ‘keen’. We are keenly aware of how we don’t measure up to a standard we’ve set.
There are two sides to the ‘jealousy’ coin. Here’s the first one:
I am twenty two and in love with a boy. My best girlfriend is one of those girls that always seems to be able to get a boys’ attention. She has long legs and beautiful blonde hair that is an attractor to members of both the male and female sex.
He is walking beside me, holding my hand, yet when she passes he turns and stares as she walks, following her prancy little butt with his eyes. I glare at him and he ducks his head sheepishly, caught in the act. I’m instantly jealous.
It seems like a small thing, but later that night it comes back in a dream. I play the scene over and over again, as she passes, she glances over at me and I see her mocking gaze, ‘you are nothing,’ she whispers as she tosses her perfect hair, a sheet of heavy golden silk.
As she passes, she brushes my boyfriend with her skirts, their slow motion sliding caresses his thigh and I see him harden. Her scent lingers and he inhales deeply, a secret smile forming on his curved lips as he turns back to me.
The Latin zelus comes from the Greek word zelos, which means ‘emulation, ardour or zeal.’ Zelos also means to ‘boil’ or ‘ferment.’
This intertwining of the words Jealous and Zealous reveals an important fact. The word Jealous has an intense force that is reflected in the build up of energy that boiling requires. It is a disturbing energy that ‘seethes’ inside of us, and over time can consume an individual.
It is a weapon that is directed outward with intent to destroy but this sword attacks the one who wields it at the same time.
The other side of the ‘jealousy coin’. The girlfriend reflects back:
I see the two of them holding hands as they walk toward me.
My friend is with her boyfriend and I’m jealous.
She is dark and tiny and I am sure she is fairy folk, come to make me feel like a newborn colt, all elbows and knees. I am huge in comparison to her, huge and clumsy. The closer I get to them, the more I am aware of my body.
In an instant I am sweating everywhere, it runs down my back and I am sure she has noticed as she looks directly at me.
I glance at her eyes, and lose myself in the deep clear pools of golden tea, they flash brightly as I near the two of them. Her hair is tousled in a dreamy sleepy way, looking ravished and carefully coiffed at the same time.
Her curls tumble over her bare shoulder and they trace her curves down her back to her tightly held ass. I feel it in my eyes as desire rushes to my face.
She has velvet skin that glows in a dusky twilight of its own and her scent rises of spice and newborn babies mingled with musk and I am wet.
I try to avoid touching her by passing on the side that her boyfriend is walking.
As I pass, I stumble slightly and almost trip, my skirts lightly brush him and I am embarrassed to be so close.
Jealousy and Judgement
We want what someone else has because we think they are living at a different level than we are. They exist at a higher vibration. We tend to want what they have without doing the work required to get there.
Instead of looking at ourselves, we project our judgement on them, and it bounces back as jealousy.
It’s all in your perspective.
When you’re jealous, it can bring up strong emotions which may be mistaken for attraction. It can reveal hidden desires or wishes deep in your subconscious.
These feelings may be unsettling. They may reveal a part of you that you’ve been suppressing.
When you know someone is jealous of you, you may feel the assault on a subconscious level. Often you make yourself smaller in an attempt to try and fit in, so the jealous person stops the assault. You try to hide your light, which weakens both of you. All of us are affected when you hide your talents.
Jealously isn’t confined to material goods. It isn’t simply that we want what someone else has, it’s about how we judge the choices we’ve made in our lives. On a deep level, we are unhappy when we compare ourselves to them.
Instead of taking charge of your own shit, you judge someone else.
When you haven’t claimed creative power over your life, you tend to look for an alternative. Judgment can be a great choice, especially if you’re living in reaction to life rather than in creation.
Next you judge yourself. Self judgement is the most unkind thing you can inflict on your self. It’s an insidious tool that most people are unaware they are using; it sneaks up on you when you aren’t looking.
Breaking up with Judgement
The way we interact with people is closely intertwined with how much we depend on using judgment of ourselves and others to hold us in a place.
It gives us a sense of control. Knowing how things should be and how we should behave in that environment removes the uncertainty in our life.
Making a commitment to yourself is a first step in breaking up with judgment in your life.
Let go of the need to control everything. Stop comparing. Accept yourself.
Acceptance is an antidote that will help release you from this negative emotion. Be present for your emotions and let them move through you.
Put your hand on your heart, your physical body. When you feel the emotion of jealousy arising, pay attention. Feel the emotion.
Say — “There there jealousy, I see you, I will not leave you.”
Breathe into that slowly. See if you can stay out of that fight or fright breath.
Say it again — “There there jealousy, I see you, I won’t leave you.”
Say this as an alternative — “All the times I left you before, I am not leaving you now.”
As the jealousy comes up to be released, let it move through you.
And Love yourself.
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