Why Do We Care What They Think?
We see it every time we go out.
Someone isn’t following Covid quarantine guidelines. They’re the one with a shopping cart full of toilet paper. They leave their house every day, despite the calls to stay at home. They aren’t following the rules so they’re wrong.
Our blood pressure rises as we feel the frustration of our judgment. But what if there’s a reason for their behavior? What if they are shopping for two or three families? What if they are working at a store, or volunteering to help distribute food to seniors at risk?
Judgment is a tricky thing. Many people feel that there is safety in sameness and seek out people that are similar to themselves. We use judgement as a way to decide if we fit together. Most of what we call connection is actually based on judgment.
People who are different are often judged as being wrong or bad.
When we judge someone, that creates a separation. Your judgment doesn’t make you right about your beliefs, they are just different.
When we drop the judgment, we can observe a person more impartially. When you don’t make them wrong or bad, you don’t create a separation and can observe without trying to make them change. It also gives you a chance to understand the why of what they’re doing and sometimes their reason makes sense.
Even if they are being an ass-hat, you’re able to remain curious about how they are behaving. You don’t feel the need to try and change them when you don’t have judgment, you can have allowance for who they are.
Allowance is the lube to change and the antidote to judgment.
Stop the constant comparisons. When you constantly seek validation from others, you aren’t trusting yourself. If you ask for validation, you’re really asking for someone else’s judgment.
If you trust yourself, you aren’t as invested in what others are doing. and you aren’t trying to change them.
Say no to judgment. You’ll be happy that you did.
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