Coping With Change

Allowance is simple

Photo by Kiwihug on Unsplash
We are living in a time of unprecedented change. Everyone agrees.

As we shelter in place, protecting by social distancing most people are hoping that the Covid-19 quarantine will end and things will go back to the way they were.

It’s not likely.

Once you ‘see’ something, you can’t ‘unsee’ it.

Some things have changed for good. Time at home has allowed us some breathing room, a space for introspection. We see ourselves and the lives we have been living in a different way. This virus has revealed to us how interconnected the world has become and how fragile those connections are. It has revealed vulnerable populations and how we have accepted their treatment. We have become complacent followers and consumers.

We have lost our moral compass. And that’s making us squirm.

Change is hard. It makes us uncomfortable, even if we want it to happen. Sometimes we resist it when we know the change will be good for us. It moves us out of our comfort zone, into a new situation.

“Comfort and the fear of change are the greatest enemies of success.”
― Jeanette Coron

If we aren’t successful in making a change, we can be really hard on ourselves. We can be really critical. We sometimes say things that we wouldn’t be caught dead saying to someone else. That’s when you need to give yourself a break. That’s where Allowance comes in handy.

Allowance is simple. Give yourself a break. This stuff is hard.

You get to make mistakes without being criticized. You are allowed to try. Allowance greases the wheels of change. When you are in allowance, you are in a space of ease, or intimacy with yourself. Think of it as making change slippery. Practice this until you are comfortable with giving yourself this lubricant to making change.

Now extend your allowance to others.

Allowance isn’t about accepting or tolerating a bad person or being in a bad situation. That’s different. Protect yourself first.

If you are tolerating something, you are putting up with it. It’s a negative energy. You can feel yourself pushing back, even though you don’t mention it. You are still hoping it will stop.

Acceptance can feel like you don’t have a choice; it can feel like; I’m still going to have negative thoughts about this but I’m going to accept it. It’s almost always accomplished with a heavy sigh. There’s always a choice.

Allowance is the antidote to judgment.

When you are in allowance, you aren’t judging yourself. You aren’t judging someone else’s actions or situation. Judgment creates separation — it locks in more of the same and doesn’t allow change.

To be in allowance with yourself is when you ‘be, choose and do whatever you want to be, choose and do — you allow yourself to create your own life.

When you are in allowance of others, it’s the same. You allow them to create their own life without imposing your judgments.

Choose to be in allowance.

Remember, Choice is your Superpower.

Aliveness is a way of being that fills you with energy. When someone is living in their aliveness, they glow. They exude energy that you can see in their face and body. You want to be near them; to be part of that energy.

Allowance is one of the vital pieces of your aliveness. When you are cultivating your personal aliveness, it is helpful to remind yourself to give yourself a break. You don’t have to be perfect. You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to make a choice without knowing what will happen. You are allowed to try something and then you are allowed to choose something else.

You can find what makes you feel more alive by sitting quietly and listening to your inner self. This takes surrender. Stop and listen to the quiet voice inside of you that isn’t talking about chores to be done, or errands to be finished. Listen to the whisper of the secret yearning; the dream you have always had.

Curiosity is the key to becoming aware of your orientation. Ask yourself how you are functioning that is creating your feelings of upset or frustration. How are you contributing to the judgment in this situation? Just observe things and don’t attach yourself to the outcome. Self awareness takes practice.

Giving yourself the freedom of allowance, is a loving gift.

Remember, you are free to be, choose and do whatever you want. Choose something that feeds your aliveness in this moment.

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