Relationships | Mindfulness | Mental Health
Other Easy Signs to Look For
There are several ways to feel the energy of a victim orientation.
The Eeyore who complains a lot.
The ‘poor me’ person in the Eeyore suit is a strong signal of a victim orientation.
If you realize you sometimes wear that suit, don’t make it wrong or bad. Don’t judge yourself harshly. Be gentle and get curious about what is going on. See if you can find what supported your ‘poor me’ belief.
Maybe you received more love or attention as a child when you behaved that way. Maybe you receive more love and attention when you act like that.
This behaviour is always about what you’re not getting. They can reveal an exchange orientation or a transactional relationship.
There may be an unwritten rule where you believe things have to be even and you get frustrated when they aren’t. If you can see this energy clearly, it’s possible to change it.
When I start getting too serious about something that doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things, I know it’s a signal that things may be out of whack. I know I need to have a closer look at what my debris is doing. When I get serious, I know I’m in my own bullshit and I need to lighten up so I can see how silly I’m being.
The whiny little kid voice
This is another clue. When that super pouty energy rises in me I realize a victim is lurking beneath.
When you discover that you’re in that energy, do a little exaggerating and be super extra pouty. If you bring humor into the mix, you might see how silly you are being.
It‘s time to get curious and ask:
“Show me what I need to see.”
Ask yourself — What conclusion am I making here? What is the lie that I’ve bought into? What am I projecting or judging?
If you lighten up and laugh at how silly you’re being, there’s a lot you can learn.
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