Allowance is the Powerful Antidote to Judgment

Relationships | Mindfulness | Mental Health

It’s also the Lube to Change

torii-1886975_1920 by Thanapat Pirmphol from Pixabay

Your orientation in life determines how you see and feel your life experiences. Orientation also affects your choices.

There are many different ways to orient yourself. Often you aren’t aware of it.

Discover what your orientation is by becoming curious.

Look closely at your beliefs. We create beliefs from judgments that we form during events that occur in our life. We came to a conclusion about the event and then the conclusion becomes embedded in us. These conclusions affect how we see the world and the people in it.

An example:

One year, someone tells you it’s wrong to expect gifts on your birthday. You conclude that gifts on your birthday were always wrong and to this day, you’re uncomfortable with receiving attention on your special day. Your orientation is against receiving in this particular area of your life.

We each have an operating system that helps us follow our orientation.

Judgment is a common orientation.

People who are oriented toward judgment tend to view the world as right or wrong, good or bad. They see things in black and white and are focused on differences. When someone is oriented towards judgment, that creates separation.

Judgment and connection.

Judgment is often used to create connections. The concept of ‘safety in sameness’ causes us to chose friends that have similar beliefs. That provides a feeling of belonging. Most of what we call connection is actually based on judgment.

People who are different are often judged as being wrong or bad.

Judgment creates separation.

Your judgment doesn’t make you right about your beliefs. When you drop your judgment, you are able to observe a person more impartially.

When you don’t make them wrong or bad, you don’t create separation and can observe without trying to make them change.

Even if they are being an ass-hat, you can remain curious and see their orientation to life. You can observe how they behave in the world. You don’t feel the need to try and change them when you don’t have judgment; you have allowance for who they are.

Allowance is the lube to change and the antidote to judgment.

Do you ask for judgment?

When you’re constantly seeking validation from others, you’re not trusting yourself to know what is right for you. Asking for external judgment sets you up to fail.

If you trust yourself, you aren’t as invested in what others are being or doing. You aren’t trying to change yourself or change what others do.

If you try to buy into someone else’s version of how to be or what to do in your life, you aren’t living in your aliveness.

Our relationship with aliveness is based a lot on our orientation to life. If you’re oriented toward judgment, you’re creating a reality of right and wrong, good and bad; a reality of separation. Say no to judgment and say yes to aliveness. You will be happy that you did.

Victim is another very common orientation.

A victim orientation is revealed when someone walks around in their Eeyore suit, saying ‘poor me’ at every turn.

People with this orientation can be very powerful. They busily gather evidence to prove that bad things always happen to them and the world is working against them. They are constantly engaging others in the drama of their circumstances.


Our orientation determines who we surround ourselves with. We’re attracted to those who provide proof for our beliefs and judgments.

Our operating systems protect our orientation and ensure that our surroundings support it. We defend our beliefs and create boundaries and shields in this fortress of protection.

Your reality reflects your internal landscape.

What if you could choose to make changes to your orientation? Discovering the moment in your past when you made a conclusion that formed the belief is essential. When you uncover the initial belief, you can ask yourself if it still applies to your life now all these years later.

When we are oriented toward allowance instead of judgment, it feels welcoming.

When the boundaries and shields of judgment aren’t required, there’s no reason to create separation in your life. Your operating system doesn’t need to protect you from different beliefs because you are in allowance with them.

Allowance lets me open up and lean into my life.


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