Relationships | Conversation | Mental Health

Jettison the Space Junk

Debris fields. Everyone has one.

Debris is the junk we all carry around. It is made up of past experiences, trauma, and pain that has resulted from living our lives.

Your debris field is like the space junk in our atmosphere. You’ve discarded it but it hasn’t left your orbit.

We don’t come with debris. We arrive full of joy, excitement, and curiosity about everything. The world is full of new and amazing experiences. Watch a baby as they gaze about in wonder.

The debris accumulates as we learn the harder lessons. We hide and tell our selves stories to reinforce those experiences. The stories might say ‘I’m not good enough’, or ‘I could never learn how to do that.’

We internalize the programming and expectations of others.

Your debris field is made up of emotional junk you carry.

It’s a bit like the character Pigpen, in the Charlie Brown cartoons. We travel around with this ball of dusty debris following us. The debris interacts with itself, making it larger. It can also interact with the debris fields of others, which can cause huge problems in a relationship.

One of the biggest debris fields you will ever have to navigate is your own.

Especially the debris of judgment.

When we judge or argue with others, most likely it is our own debris which is causing the disagreement. We think we need to fight with the other person to prove them wrong, but we are just fighting with our own debris.

When you meet someone who holds a strong belief is widely different from your own, you could make them wrong, or you could allow them to have their own experience in this life.

If you make them wrong, you’re imposing your judgment, which you have learned during your life. Your beliefs are your life experience, no one else’s. You want to make the other person wrong in order to validate your point of view.

It’s your own shit, my friend.

You are fighting with your own debris, people. It’s never, ever about anyone else.

Sometimes a change in your orientation can make debris disappear.

If you change your viewpoint away from being a victim or a hero or a villain, all the stories you used to tell yourself, will no longer be useful. Those stories will slip away.

When you step on a land mine in your debris field, have gratitude and appreciation with yourself. Just acknowledge it and say — I’m working on my debris. I’ll step on land mines as I go. That’s allowed. Acknowledge the debris. And when you find your debris has triggered you, be curious.

Play with it. Exaggerate the emotion or the feeling.

If you’re triggered into being a victim, be the sorriest victim ever. Or be the worst bitch in the world. Do it with someone who is willing to play along.

You may find you end up laughing at your ridiculousness and when you can get to that point, the debris goes away.

Instead of holding on to old programming, let it go.

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